“One positiviticillin, once a week should do the trick”

Now, those who know me (a select few due to me being selective and the human race being selective not always in my favour) probably wouldn’t describe me as an ‘happy go lucky’ ‘glass have full’ kind of a gal. In truth I am your run of the mill sarcastic bitch most of the time. I used to describe myself as a “cynical romantic” in that I love the idea of romance but am always suspicious of its motives. Then I met the NSH and now I am just cynical! (Joking of course, did I not mention I was once blessed with a sieve and a can of vodka and coke for my birthday)


Something happens on a Wednesday at 5:30. I unusually go out of my comfort zone and frequent a social event in the next village along that fills me with joy, positivity and I also just about manage to stay within the social norms and not make a fool out of myself. The people at my slimming world group just light up my life. I smile, I laugh, I gasp, I at times hold back utter shock and I have the best couple of hours in the company of pretty much strangers. The most positivity exudes itself from our fabulous slimming guru (now to be known as FSG, hope she doesn’t mind). FSG is… I cannot even explain it. She brings so much joy to so many people and it brings me back time and time again for a weekly dose of hump day happiness.   On a Wednesday night I laugh, forget myself and everything else. 

The best thing is it lingers. I found myself driving home thinking “wouldn’t it be great to have a modern day WI, that was for anyone and met in a pub, which would help keep a local pub running, and we could have a series of speakers and silly competitions and sing songs and all be friends and I could make badges….(it goes on)”. For me Wednesday is the end of my working week and I am usually a bit drained so the positivicillin could not be administered at a better time.

1.5lb loss this week, but a stone lighter in stress.

My positive plan this week is to go mega on the speed. The following week I have a hen do so would love to lose as much as possible before hand. (Speaking of said hen do. I ordered some hen do paraphernalia off of amazon, when it was delivered I discovered a pack of multi size googly eyes… poor child somewhere, that was looking forward to some crafting and opened a pack of willy straws!!)



Considering “insomnimum” as my new blogging name! I am beyond shattered. I am ‘couldn’t run a bath’ sleepy. I am aching in all of my muscles knackered. But I am awake.

NSH is asleep next to me (not a night shift tonight), Snoop Bobby Dogg is asleep at my feet and the giant baby human is fast a sleepy pleeps in his room. But I am awake.

I am awake because I don’t get Sunday night blues, I get Monday night blues. I am awake because my brain doesn’t shut up. I am awake because I cant stop my mind imagining scenarios of what might happen and who might do what and what I will say and what I should have said and what do I need to pack for the baby tomorrow and have I turned the oven off and I need to wash my car and probably get it serviced and will I have lost weight this week and we need to child proof the house, the bleach is under the sink and and …

… and it’s only 10pm why the bloody hell am I worrying about not being asleep.

This is not anxiety it is an over active internal monologue gland!

There is no such thing as a weekend off.

It’s called life! If you beat yourself up about having a pizza one weekend or a few thousand ciders on a “Just popping to the pub for 5oclock club” West Country night out, then you will be regularly beating yourself up. And no one needs those bruises.

You have to play the long game. Obviously sometimes it’s good to give yourself a date to work towards but I prefer not to. If I put on weight one week out of six I think that’s bloody amazing. Because it means for one week out of six I probably let my hair down and got boozed up with the bestest of people *cough* or drank champagne and ate copious amounts of haggis and ice cream (not together) round at my parents house *cough*.

If I was to make myself feel bad about it I probably would decide to write off my week, keep eating rubbish, not go to group and my massive TV calves would win in our battle to buy boots (met Phil and Fern back in the day because I have HUGE calves and a day and night in London rather than doing uni work was more than a tad appealing). 

Give yourself a break boys and girls.

There is no such thing as a weekend off. 

Cheers then!

Here is a picture of some spag bol that is packed full of speed with extra speed on the side that I absolutely had to force down as I had over cooked it a bit, but was determined to eat first. 

That age old dilemma

How I live my life on slimming world:

Kitkat or wine? Wine or kitkat?

I can get through a day without eating biscuits or cake or crisps or sandwiches or… *takes a moment to wipe drool from larger than average chin* I can do this if I know at the end of the day I can have a 2 finger kitkat (5.5 syns) with a cup of tea or a glass of wine (red 175ml – 8 syns or white 250ml – 10 syns) and my HE Cheese. 

Now, I could have both, it is allowed, no one will shout at me, no slimmer shade will be thrown my way. But I have changed my approach to food optimising. In all my years of being on plan (first went to a slimming world group in 2009, green and red days were just on their way out and extra easy was bright shiny and new) and all my years of not being on plan, I have tried to cook completely syn free and the snack it up big style with the syns. This I think is sometimes my downfall because my willpower is low to non existant. I have no time in my life, for example, for people who can eat just one rich tea biscuit, those people are not human, they have no soul, it’s a fact! So this time round I am using my syn allowance differently and by differently I mean lunch.

Lunches for me are difficult. I make soup in advance. I do not eat said soup, because push come to shove, I would rather eat summink else! I like salads but am rubbish at prepping the night before a work day and 3 day old salad does not appeal to the foody in me. I don’t like using my healthy extras for lunch because I like my overnight and baked oats too much, and as previously stated, cheese is reserved for wine (not appropriate for a teacher’s lunchbox). If I have any I will have left overs in my little thermos flask of dreams. But if not I will spend some syns on some Mexican microwave rice (3 syns) or Jamie Oliver curried chickpeas (3 syns). They are easy, quick and I can grab them on my way out the door and I can eat a load of speed fruit alongside them. Easy peasy!

I am also trying to cook meals that I love and trying new meals (currently loving Jamie Oliver’s 5 ingredients) and syning them. I cook using good ingredients, that’s the main thing that always sticks from slimming world. After my first ever visit I never have bought a jar of sauce. And since going sugar free for a study a few years back I am very conscious of the crap added to low fat food. So I will happily spend a syn or two on good syn options; coconut milk, good curry paste, avocado, real butter, nuts etc. 

That leaves me with less than 15 syns come the evening, thus the kitkat or wine dilemma. 

Ain’t a bad dilemma to have!

PS food pics (dirty fried rice and overnight oats)

What is this sleep you speak of?

Good lord I have the biggest respect for single parents, especially those without a good support network. Last night was a right laugh! My giant baby human GBH, who normally sleeps from 7pm to 6pm like an angel, was feeling a bit poorly it would seem and woke up at 9,11,1,3,4 and then we got up at 5:45. He would only go back to sleep if he was in some way attached to me, arm, fingers, nose, didn’t matter but no mummy no sleepy pleeps! Because I am a night shift widow, I had to be the one up all night. Thank jebus I don’t work Fridays. I am very lucky that my Harold Bishop lookalikey Dad and my mum only live down the road. HBL Dad came to the rescue at 6:30 and took the happy smiling little sleep thief away so that I could have a couple of hours sleep. Still been like a zombie all day but have managed to somehow pull off the functioning human look to the general public.

Ate three slices of pizza

Cult of food optimising

Currently sitting in group while people weigh in. All shapes and sizes. It’s absolutely rammed. Loves it!

It occurred to me we are a bit of a cult. It’s okay, cults are okay it’s the sects you need to worry about, they’re the ones that would all vow to eat an arsenic infused hifi and end their weight gain FOREVER (Or so my sociology teacher told me)! I can spot a member of the cult quickly in a supermarket. The tell tell muller lights and mug shots. Choc shot and frylight. And loads of veg! At work I can tell by people’s lunches and choice of snacks. Babybels and the glorious 2 finger kit Kat. 

Then there is the language. Members of the cult take speed, but it’s not speed speed, it’s perfectly okay speed and the more of it the better. No speed equals bad times (SW speed not speed speed!). There really should be a slimming world dictionary. I remember a couple of years ago seeing a friend post her sw meal on social media and say she had used “hexa cheese”, I was so intrigued I asked her where I could buy this hexa cheese. Obviously she meant her healthy extra a box. I was gutted that there wasn’t some magical syn free cheese! I had done slimming world for years at this point, I can only imagine how confusing it must be for newbies!

Anyway I digress… back to tonight.

Brought mother along, she has done it once before but was much better at it than me even though I was, at the time, cooking most of her meals!!! Be interesting to see how Harold Bishop lookalike (HBL) Dad gets on as he is head chef of the household. He hates following recipes and thinks justalittle won’t hurt. Going to sit him down and go through the books. I shall challenge my inner Angela (consultant extraordinaire if you don’t know).

So first week back. Lost 4lb. Bloody lovely! Great group, great people with even greatererer tips! I learned a couple of new things. Firstly must buy some big bowl oats so simple, secondly my piddly little hands mean a “portion” of pasta for me is pathetic! I mean the bow pasta, I could probably hold 4!!!! Better buy some macaroni. Thirdly my “bread is evil” theory was backed up by other members who it seems are also bread addicts with no self control around baked dough! I cannot buy bread, I cannot buy bread, I CANNOT BUY BREAD!

NSH is back to work this evening so I will be early to bed and reading a book… for about 2 pages before I fall asleep. No doubt giant baby human will be up before 6 and I am going to the gym tomorrow morning to go for a walk and a down hill ride on the exercise bike followed by a lengthy and calorie busting shower!

Disjointed blog tonight, but written at different times and shoved together! My goal for this week is to show you what I am eating.

Much love 



From Saturday afternoon to Tuesday lunchtime Night shift husband is, in fact, not NSH he becomes instead RGH (regular golfing husband). On the odd occasion if he is in the bad books he is ARGH I like to add the “A” and imagine myself donning a pinny and shaking a rolling pin. Make your own minds up about what the “A” stands for!!

That’s it, holidays over, back to work. So of course I have a really sore throat and am losing my voice! I wouldn’t crack open the champers, what a waste of 5 syns to celebrate in my pain and misery. (I now really want some champagne, the stuff from lidl £17.99 a bottle I think, is my new favourite drink and luckily I can’t afford it so that’s that)

Since my last post, if you (mysterious and lovely readers) were to ask me have I been 100% on plan my answer would be this: “medium”. Meals have been good good good but I have been doing far to much synstimating, you know “thasssabout 2, oneuvthemsabout 5, a scoopadatsabout 12” you get the idea. So I have 3 days til weigh in and I have planned and cooked it all using a multitude of fabulous gadgets. Looove my soup maker!

Some of the food made, eaten and prepared to be eaten include:

  • Beef stew – zero syns
  • Veg soup – zero syns
  • Thai chicken noodle soup (4 syns per portion – coconut milk)
  • Chicken, spinach and potato curry – zero syns
  • Overnight oats (not using miller lights because sugar is pretty evil and I am trying to limit it) -zero syns

I also have some 2 finger kit kats because the sun value (5.5) is well and truly tattooed on my brain. I can save myself from crap all day at the promise of a kit Kat and a cup of tea once the giant baby human has gone to bed.

Giant baby human has been enjoying his free food so far too. Curry was a fave I think. He made a zzznnnnlllllllll sound as if putting on a fake lisp and I have taken that to mean

“by golly mother what a fabulous chef you are, now rub some sudacrem on my bottom and entertain me with songs of how the lady rides and I promise never to ask you what a bobbin is and why you do so insist on winding it back and forth”

He is teething. It is a joy.

Aaaaaaaaaand back to work. School is where the cakes and biscuits are, where I don’t get time to go to the staff room so have to make sure my lunch isn’t so bland and limp that only a custard cream will get me through the day. I have therefore purchased a thermos food pot for keeping me food thermosed (or is it thermoosed?)

Short post this eve. Work tomorrow. Weigh in Wednesday…

Cheers mind