The return of the night shift widow… that’s me!


I don’t know what happened. I haven’t written or posted or much for a month or so. Life, as it so often does, got in the way of writing and a bit in the way of healthy eating. So my weight loss has slowed down, but I am still losing weight. Here is a brief bullet pointed update of the last 2 months.

Eh hem

  • Giraffe do a Penang bang salad where you can order the dressing on the side. It is rammed full of speed and every time I have one, I get a loss that week… coincidence? Perhaps not, because I am probably in the right mindset if I’m ordering a salad and not a greasy burger!
  • There is an amazing tuna pasta bake recipe on the sw website that has rocked my world. It’s lush hot or cold.
  • I have an actual one year old… and he is a babe!
  • Exercise is bad for my ankle… so my ankle has asked me to stop.
  • I was a bridesmaid and actually felt nice in my dress, although growing the giant baby human has left me with boobs that I do not know what to do with!
  • Blue Mondays at yo sushi have got so much better since the last time I went. You can order stuff, it’s awesome.
  • I DID A PERFECT WEEK! I wrote down and counted everything. I went away for the weekend and was starving when I was out so went to a shop because I thought I might pass out… I bought some cooked turkey and two boiled eggs!! What the actual bejesus is that? I’m going to go for a perfect week again… just decided… just then… I’m gonna do it… maybe.
  • Subway salads are the future
  • You can save an over synned week with speed foods. 
  • No bread BBQs are a thing. We had so much salad and fruit salad and some jelly and yogurt combination my mother concocted that people ate and liked! 
  • PIMMS! Or whatever Lidl are calling their version of the stuff. Extremely weak, in a jug with crazy amounts of fruit and ice. Hardly a syn in it and loads of speed.
  • How bloody good is The Greatest Showman?!
  • I got my club 10 tonight

As always my attitude to slimming stays the same. I would rather lose half a pound a week and enjoy the occasional extra glass of wine or a larger piece of cheese, or a chicken wrap from best kebab with BBQ sauce or large bar of fruit and nut to commiserate another failed interview attempt, than lose 3 pounds a week and desperately crave these things. I am still mostly using my syns on healthy things like sushi or olives or feta cheese so that I will eat my lunch. I only ever aim to have 10 so I don’t have to count the skimmed milk in my cups of tea.

This week I am going to try a new recipe from a non sw cookbook and work out the syns

I will aim for another perfect week. 

Much love 



Thank goodness for sarcasm and friends who bring wine 

It’s been a bit of a shit month. More than normal I could have done with blogging, but it has felt near impossible. I will do my best not to depress you (my few and far between readers) but I am in a ranty old mood.

I need a mother flipping job! I am now on the 10 week countdown to unemployment. “Teacher shortage” the media is telling you. What they are not telling you is that horrifically shrinking school budgets mean schools cannot afford experienced teachers, which means it’s more than likely on many an occasion my application form gets tossed to one side. Found an amazing old guardian article about the X factor pantomime that is applying and interviewing for teaching posts. Will tweet it for anyone interested, but basically it takes hours and hours and costs money and inevitably the job goes to an internal candidate, an NQT or  a man. 

It is an all consuming full time job searching for and applying, whilst working and being mum to ever more mobile and destructive giant baby human (who I think is slowly averaging out in size and is also not so much of a baby any more), and being fantastical wife person who cooks tea and allows night shift husband to also be pretend professional golfer. 

This month 

I had to interview for a job at my current school – didn’t get it.

Didn’t get an interview at a school I love.

Interviewed for a job I would be perfect for and bloody smashed the lesson and interview – didn’t get it

Each time I sob. Each time I drag my ass off the floor and apply for the next one using their ridiculous application forms. Each time my wonderful friends and family ply me with wine and hugs. Each time my little boy gives me a kiss (bites my face with his growing dental collection). Each time however I lose a little more hope.

Scroll back through my posts and you will find blogs from my last school and when I named myself “the disillusioned teacher” where I reached the point of leaving teaching. A gamble that left me with redundancy at 22 weeks pregnant and ultimately where I am now, an expensive experienced teacher of child baring age… totally employable up against 22 year old cheap and enthusiastic NQTs who hobby (they always have hobbies, not just drink wine with their friends, they play hockey or jog or other strange endeavours). 

But I am a bloody good teacher with some awesome expertise!

Let the festive season begin… PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

Haven’t written for a while but thought I should see the month out with a few sentences of shoved together nonsense to see out the fastest February after the most drawn out January on record. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

Christmas is far behind us and thank little baby Jebus himself, I have lost nearly a stone since then, have started to like working and not resent it as I have to leave the giant baby human behind, and have had a reasonably drama free couple of months. But oh no no no, I must not rest on my laurels (whatever the chickens that means) because here comes the most festive time of the year…. birthday season. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

It all kicked off last week with Dr sister-in-law and then it will just snowball from there. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

Coming events:

  • NSH birthday (tomorrow! Must wrap thoughtful presents purchased from Tesco at the weekend)
  • Littlest flower friend’s 30th birthday 
  • Mother’s Day (must remind NSH and brothers)
  • River man brother’s birthday
  • My birthday
  • HBL’s birthday
  • Bestest gin friend’s wedding
  • And to round it all off on 10th April my giant baby human will be a whole year and no longer a fraction of one.

There is basically an event at least once a week and all of these events involve food and/or drink and/or money. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

So I need to be extra extra extra good the rest of the days. I have a serious need for speed (SW jargon for any pals concerned that I have a new recreational hobby). Also need to be tight on the old purse strings (mine has a zip, can one be tight on a purse zip? I have another with a popper, could that work? Tight on the old purse popper sounds like a euphemism for something, don’t know what though). I need to find ways to eat well on the cheap. Cheap cheapy cheap, couple of coppers cheap. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

I will let you know what bargain recipes I find and how they turn out. Might also give a sneak peak into my ever so exciting social life. Because NSH birthday cake is a marvel!

PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

“One positiviticillin, once a week should do the trick”

Now, those who know me (a select few due to me being selective and the human race being selective not always in my favour) probably wouldn’t describe me as an ‘happy go lucky’ ‘glass have full’ kind of a gal. In truth I am your run of the mill sarcastic bitch most of the time. I used to describe myself as a “cynical romantic” in that I love the idea of romance but am always suspicious of its motives. Then I met the NSH and now I am just cynical! (Joking of course, did I not mention I was once blessed with a sieve and a can of vodka and coke for my birthday)


Something happens on a Wednesday at 5:30. I unusually go out of my comfort zone and frequent a social event in the next village along that fills me with joy, positivity and I also just about manage to stay within the social norms and not make a fool out of myself. The people at my slimming world group just light up my life. I smile, I laugh, I gasp, I at times hold back utter shock and I have the best couple of hours in the company of pretty much strangers. The most positivity exudes itself from our fabulous slimming guru (now to be known as FSG, hope she doesn’t mind). FSG is… I cannot even explain it. She brings so much joy to so many people and it brings me back time and time again for a weekly dose of hump day happiness.   On a Wednesday night I laugh, forget myself and everything else. 

The best thing is it lingers. I found myself driving home thinking “wouldn’t it be great to have a modern day WI, that was for anyone and met in a pub, which would help keep a local pub running, and we could have a series of speakers and silly competitions and sing songs and all be friends and I could make badges….(it goes on)”. For me Wednesday is the end of my working week and I am usually a bit drained so the positivicillin could not be administered at a better time.

1.5lb loss this week, but a stone lighter in stress.

My positive plan this week is to go mega on the speed. The following week I have a hen do so would love to lose as much as possible before hand. (Speaking of said hen do. I ordered some hen do paraphernalia off of amazon, when it was delivered I discovered a pack of multi size googly eyes… poor child somewhere, that was looking forward to some crafting and opened a pack of willy straws!!)


Considering “insomnimum” as my new blogging name! I am beyond shattered. I am ‘couldn’t run a bath’ sleepy. I am aching in all of my muscles knackered. But I am awake.

NSH is asleep next to me (not a night shift tonight), Snoop Bobby Dogg is asleep at my feet and the giant baby human is fast a sleepy pleeps in his room. But I am awake.

I am awake because I don’t get Sunday night blues, I get Monday night blues. I am awake because my brain doesn’t shut up. I am awake because I cant stop my mind imagining scenarios of what might happen and who might do what and what I will say and what I should have said and what do I need to pack for the baby tomorrow and have I turned the oven off and I need to wash my car and probably get it serviced and will I have lost weight this week and we need to child proof the house, the bleach is under the sink and and …

… and it’s only 10pm why the bloody hell am I worrying about not being asleep.

This is not anxiety it is an over active internal monologue gland!

There is no such thing as a weekend off.

It’s called life! If you beat yourself up about having a pizza one weekend or a few thousand ciders on a “Just popping to the pub for 5oclock club” West Country night out, then you will be regularly beating yourself up. And no one needs those bruises.

You have to play the long game. Obviously sometimes it’s good to give yourself a date to work towards but I prefer not to. If I put on weight one week out of six I think that’s bloody amazing. Because it means for one week out of six I probably let my hair down and got boozed up with the bestest of people *cough* or drank champagne and ate copious amounts of haggis and ice cream (not together) round at my parents house *cough*.

If I was to make myself feel bad about it I probably would decide to write off my week, keep eating rubbish, not go to group and my massive TV calves would win in our battle to buy boots (met Phil and Fern back in the day because I have HUGE calves and a day and night in London rather than doing uni work was more than a tad appealing). 

Give yourself a break boys and girls.

There is no such thing as a weekend off. 

Cheers then!

Here is a picture of some spag bol that is packed full of speed with extra speed on the side that I absolutely had to force down as I had over cooked it a bit, but was determined to eat first. 

That age old dilemma

How I live my life on slimming world:

Kitkat or wine? Wine or kitkat?

I can get through a day without eating biscuits or cake or crisps or sandwiches or… *takes a moment to wipe drool from larger than average chin* I can do this if I know at the end of the day I can have a 2 finger kitkat (5.5 syns) with a cup of tea or a glass of wine (red 175ml – 8 syns or white 250ml – 10 syns) and my HE Cheese. 

Now, I could have both, it is allowed, no one will shout at me, no slimmer shade will be thrown my way. But I have changed my approach to food optimising. In all my years of being on plan (first went to a slimming world group in 2009, green and red days were just on their way out and extra easy was bright shiny and new) and all my years of not being on plan, I have tried to cook completely syn free and the snack it up big style with the syns. This I think is sometimes my downfall because my willpower is low to non existant. I have no time in my life, for example, for people who can eat just one rich tea biscuit, those people are not human, they have no soul, it’s a fact! So this time round I am using my syn allowance differently and by differently I mean lunch.

Lunches for me are difficult. I make soup in advance. I do not eat said soup, because push come to shove, I would rather eat summink else! I like salads but am rubbish at prepping the night before a work day and 3 day old salad does not appeal to the foody in me. I don’t like using my healthy extras for lunch because I like my overnight and baked oats too much, and as previously stated, cheese is reserved for wine (not appropriate for a teacher’s lunchbox). If I have any I will have left overs in my little thermos flask of dreams. But if not I will spend some syns on some Mexican microwave rice (3 syns) or Jamie Oliver curried chickpeas (3 syns). They are easy, quick and I can grab them on my way out the door and I can eat a load of speed fruit alongside them. Easy peasy!

I am also trying to cook meals that I love and trying new meals (currently loving Jamie Oliver’s 5 ingredients) and syning them. I cook using good ingredients, that’s the main thing that always sticks from slimming world. After my first ever visit I never have bought a jar of sauce. And since going sugar free for a study a few years back I am very conscious of the crap added to low fat food. So I will happily spend a syn or two on good syn options; coconut milk, good curry paste, avocado, real butter, nuts etc. 

That leaves me with less than 15 syns come the evening, thus the kitkat or wine dilemma. 

Ain’t a bad dilemma to have!

PS food pics (dirty fried rice and overnight oats)