The return of the night shift widow… that’s me!


I don’t know what happened. I haven’t written or posted or much for a month or so. Life, as it so often does, got in the way of writing and a bit in the way of healthy eating. So my weight loss has slowed down, but I am still losing weight. Here is a brief bullet pointed update of the last 2 months.

Eh hem

  • Giraffe do a Penang bang salad where you can order the dressing on the side. It is rammed full of speed and every time I have one, I get a loss that week… coincidence? Perhaps not, because I am probably in the right mindset if I’m ordering a salad and not a greasy burger!
  • There is an amazing tuna pasta bake recipe on the sw website that has rocked my world. It’s lush hot or cold.
  • I have an actual one year old… and he is a babe!
  • Exercise is bad for my ankle… so my ankle has asked me to stop.
  • I was a bridesmaid and actually felt nice in my dress, although growing the giant baby human has left me with boobs that I do not know what to do with!
  • Blue Mondays at yo sushi have got so much better since the last time I went. You can order stuff, it’s awesome.
  • I DID A PERFECT WEEK! I wrote down and counted everything. I went away for the weekend and was starving when I was out so went to a shop because I thought I might pass out… I bought some cooked turkey and two boiled eggs!! What the actual bejesus is that? I’m going to go for a perfect week again… just decided… just then… I’m gonna do it… maybe.
  • Subway salads are the future
  • You can save an over synned week with speed foods. 
  • No bread BBQs are a thing. We had so much salad and fruit salad and some jelly and yogurt combination my mother concocted that people ate and liked! 
  • PIMMS! Or whatever Lidl are calling their version of the stuff. Extremely weak, in a jug with crazy amounts of fruit and ice. Hardly a syn in it and loads of speed.
  • How bloody good is The Greatest Showman?!
  • I got my club 10 tonight

As always my attitude to slimming stays the same. I would rather lose half a pound a week and enjoy the occasional extra glass of wine or a larger piece of cheese, or a chicken wrap from best kebab with BBQ sauce or large bar of fruit and nut to commiserate another failed interview attempt, than lose 3 pounds a week and desperately crave these things. I am still mostly using my syns on healthy things like sushi or olives or feta cheese so that I will eat my lunch. I only ever aim to have 10 so I don’t have to count the skimmed milk in my cups of tea.

This week I am going to try a new recipe from a non sw cookbook and work out the syns

I will aim for another perfect week. 

Much love 



Let the festive season begin… PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

Haven’t written for a while but thought I should see the month out with a few sentences of shoved together nonsense to see out the fastest February after the most drawn out January on record. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

Christmas is far behind us and thank little baby Jebus himself, I have lost nearly a stone since then, have started to like working and not resent it as I have to leave the giant baby human behind, and have had a reasonably drama free couple of months. But oh no no no, I must not rest on my laurels (whatever the chickens that means) because here comes the most festive time of the year…. birthday season. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

It all kicked off last week with Dr sister-in-law and then it will just snowball from there. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

Coming events:

  • NSH birthday (tomorrow! Must wrap thoughtful presents purchased from Tesco at the weekend)
  • Littlest flower friend’s 30th birthday 
  • Mother’s Day (must remind NSH and brothers)
  • River man brother’s birthday
  • My birthday
  • HBL’s birthday
  • Bestest gin friend’s wedding
  • And to round it all off on 10th April my giant baby human will be a whole year and no longer a fraction of one.

There is basically an event at least once a week and all of these events involve food and/or drink and/or money. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

So I need to be extra extra extra good the rest of the days. I have a serious need for speed (SW jargon for any pals concerned that I have a new recreational hobby). Also need to be tight on the old purse strings (mine has a zip, can one be tight on a purse zip? I have another with a popper, could that work? Tight on the old purse popper sounds like a euphemism for something, don’t know what though). I need to find ways to eat well on the cheap. Cheap cheapy cheap, couple of coppers cheap. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

I will let you know what bargain recipes I find and how they turn out. Might also give a sneak peak into my ever so exciting social life. Because NSH birthday cake is a marvel!

PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

“One positiviticillin, once a week should do the trick”

Now, those who know me (a select few due to me being selective and the human race being selective not always in my favour) probably wouldn’t describe me as an ‘happy go lucky’ ‘glass have full’ kind of a gal. In truth I am your run of the mill sarcastic bitch most of the time. I used to describe myself as a “cynical romantic” in that I love the idea of romance but am always suspicious of its motives. Then I met the NSH and now I am just cynical! (Joking of course, did I not mention I was once blessed with a sieve and a can of vodka and coke for my birthday)


Something happens on a Wednesday at 5:30. I unusually go out of my comfort zone and frequent a social event in the next village along that fills me with joy, positivity and I also just about manage to stay within the social norms and not make a fool out of myself. The people at my slimming world group just light up my life. I smile, I laugh, I gasp, I at times hold back utter shock and I have the best couple of hours in the company of pretty much strangers. The most positivity exudes itself from our fabulous slimming guru (now to be known as FSG, hope she doesn’t mind). FSG is… I cannot even explain it. She brings so much joy to so many people and it brings me back time and time again for a weekly dose of hump day happiness.   On a Wednesday night I laugh, forget myself and everything else. 

The best thing is it lingers. I found myself driving home thinking “wouldn’t it be great to have a modern day WI, that was for anyone and met in a pub, which would help keep a local pub running, and we could have a series of speakers and silly competitions and sing songs and all be friends and I could make badges….(it goes on)”. For me Wednesday is the end of my working week and I am usually a bit drained so the positivicillin could not be administered at a better time.

1.5lb loss this week, but a stone lighter in stress.

My positive plan this week is to go mega on the speed. The following week I have a hen do so would love to lose as much as possible before hand. (Speaking of said hen do. I ordered some hen do paraphernalia off of amazon, when it was delivered I discovered a pack of multi size googly eyes… poor child somewhere, that was looking forward to some crafting and opened a pack of willy straws!!)


Considering “insomnimum” as my new blogging name! I am beyond shattered. I am ‘couldn’t run a bath’ sleepy. I am aching in all of my muscles knackered. But I am awake.

NSH is asleep next to me (not a night shift tonight), Snoop Bobby Dogg is asleep at my feet and the giant baby human is fast a sleepy pleeps in his room. But I am awake.

I am awake because I don’t get Sunday night blues, I get Monday night blues. I am awake because my brain doesn’t shut up. I am awake because I cant stop my mind imagining scenarios of what might happen and who might do what and what I will say and what I should have said and what do I need to pack for the baby tomorrow and have I turned the oven off and I need to wash my car and probably get it serviced and will I have lost weight this week and we need to child proof the house, the bleach is under the sink and and …

… and it’s only 10pm why the bloody hell am I worrying about not being asleep.

This is not anxiety it is an over active internal monologue gland!

What is this sleep you speak of?

Good lord I have the biggest respect for single parents, especially those without a good support network. Last night was a right laugh! My giant baby human GBH, who normally sleeps from 7pm to 6pm like an angel, was feeling a bit poorly it would seem and woke up at 9,11,1,3,4 and then we got up at 5:45. He would only go back to sleep if he was in some way attached to me, arm, fingers, nose, didn’t matter but no mummy no sleepy pleeps! Because I am a night shift widow, I had to be the one up all night. Thank jebus I don’t work Fridays. I am very lucky that my Harold Bishop lookalikey Dad and my mum only live down the road. HBL Dad came to the rescue at 6:30 and took the happy smiling little sleep thief away so that I could have a couple of hours sleep. Still been like a zombie all day but have managed to somehow pull off the functioning human look to the general public.

Ate three slices of pizza

Cult of food optimising

Currently sitting in group while people weigh in. All shapes and sizes. It’s absolutely rammed. Loves it!

It occurred to me we are a bit of a cult. It’s okay, cults are okay it’s the sects you need to worry about, they’re the ones that would all vow to eat an arsenic infused hifi and end their weight gain FOREVER (Or so my sociology teacher told me)! I can spot a member of the cult quickly in a supermarket. The tell tell muller lights and mug shots. Choc shot and frylight. And loads of veg! At work I can tell by people’s lunches and choice of snacks. Babybels and the glorious 2 finger kit Kat. 

Then there is the language. Members of the cult take speed, but it’s not speed speed, it’s perfectly okay speed and the more of it the better. No speed equals bad times (SW speed not speed speed!). There really should be a slimming world dictionary. I remember a couple of years ago seeing a friend post her sw meal on social media and say she had used “hexa cheese”, I was so intrigued I asked her where I could buy this hexa cheese. Obviously she meant her healthy extra a box. I was gutted that there wasn’t some magical syn free cheese! I had done slimming world for years at this point, I can only imagine how confusing it must be for newbies!

Anyway I digress… back to tonight.

Brought mother along, she has done it once before but was much better at it than me even though I was, at the time, cooking most of her meals!!! Be interesting to see how Harold Bishop lookalike (HBL) Dad gets on as he is head chef of the household. He hates following recipes and thinks justalittle won’t hurt. Going to sit him down and go through the books. I shall challenge my inner Angela (consultant extraordinaire if you don’t know).

So first week back. Lost 4lb. Bloody lovely! Great group, great people with even greatererer tips! I learned a couple of new things. Firstly must buy some big bowl oats so simple, secondly my piddly little hands mean a “portion” of pasta for me is pathetic! I mean the bow pasta, I could probably hold 4!!!! Better buy some macaroni. Thirdly my “bread is evil” theory was backed up by other members who it seems are also bread addicts with no self control around baked dough! I cannot buy bread, I cannot buy bread, I CANNOT BUY BREAD!

NSH is back to work this evening so I will be early to bed and reading a book… for about 2 pages before I fall asleep. No doubt giant baby human will be up before 6 and I am going to the gym tomorrow morning to go for a walk and a down hill ride on the exercise bike followed by a lengthy and calorie busting shower!

Disjointed blog tonight, but written at different times and shoved together! My goal for this week is to show you what I am eating.

Much love 



From Saturday afternoon to Tuesday lunchtime Night shift husband is, in fact, not NSH he becomes instead RGH (regular golfing husband). On the odd occasion if he is in the bad books he is ARGH I like to add the “A” and imagine myself donning a pinny and shaking a rolling pin. Make your own minds up about what the “A” stands for!!

That’s it, holidays over, back to work. So of course I have a really sore throat and am losing my voice! I wouldn’t crack open the champers, what a waste of 5 syns to celebrate in my pain and misery. (I now really want some champagne, the stuff from lidl £17.99 a bottle I think, is my new favourite drink and luckily I can’t afford it so that’s that)

Since my last post, if you (mysterious and lovely readers) were to ask me have I been 100% on plan my answer would be this: “medium”. Meals have been good good good but I have been doing far to much synstimating, you know “thasssabout 2, oneuvthemsabout 5, a scoopadatsabout 12” you get the idea. So I have 3 days til weigh in and I have planned and cooked it all using a multitude of fabulous gadgets. Looove my soup maker!

Some of the food made, eaten and prepared to be eaten include:

  • Beef stew – zero syns
  • Veg soup – zero syns
  • Thai chicken noodle soup (4 syns per portion – coconut milk)
  • Chicken, spinach and potato curry – zero syns
  • Overnight oats (not using miller lights because sugar is pretty evil and I am trying to limit it) -zero syns

I also have some 2 finger kit kats because the sun value (5.5) is well and truly tattooed on my brain. I can save myself from crap all day at the promise of a kit Kat and a cup of tea once the giant baby human has gone to bed.

Giant baby human has been enjoying his free food so far too. Curry was a fave I think. He made a zzznnnnlllllllll sound as if putting on a fake lisp and I have taken that to mean

“by golly mother what a fabulous chef you are, now rub some sudacrem on my bottom and entertain me with songs of how the lady rides and I promise never to ask you what a bobbin is and why you do so insist on winding it back and forth”

He is teething. It is a joy.

Aaaaaaaaaand back to work. School is where the cakes and biscuits are, where I don’t get time to go to the staff room so have to make sure my lunch isn’t so bland and limp that only a custard cream will get me through the day. I have therefore purchased a thermos food pot for keeping me food thermosed (or is it thermoosed?)

Short post this eve. Work tomorrow. Weigh in Wednesday…

Cheers mind