Let the festive season begin… PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

Haven’t written for a while but thought I should see the month out with a few sentences of shoved together nonsense to see out the fastest February after the most drawn out January on record. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

Christmas is far behind us and thank little baby Jebus himself, I have lost nearly a stone since then, have started to like working and not resent it as I have to leave the giant baby human behind, and have had a reasonably drama free couple of months. But oh no no no, I must not rest on my laurels (whatever the chickens that means) because here comes the most festive time of the year…. birthday season. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

It all kicked off last week with Dr sister-in-law and then it will just snowball from there. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

Coming events:

  • NSH birthday (tomorrow! Must wrap thoughtful presents purchased from Tesco at the weekend)
  • Littlest flower friend’s 30th birthday 
  • Mother’s Day (must remind NSH and brothers)
  • River man brother’s birthday
  • My birthday
  • HBL’s birthday
  • Bestest gin friend’s wedding
  • And to round it all off on 10th April my giant baby human will be a whole year and no longer a fraction of one.

There is basically an event at least once a week and all of these events involve food and/or drink and/or money. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

So I need to be extra extra extra good the rest of the days. I have a serious need for speed (SW jargon for any pals concerned that I have a new recreational hobby). Also need to be tight on the old purse strings (mine has a zip, can one be tight on a purse zip? I have another with a popper, could that work? Tight on the old purse popper sounds like a euphemism for something, don’t know what though). I need to find ways to eat well on the cheap. Cheap cheapy cheap, couple of coppers cheap. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

I will let you know what bargain recipes I find and how they turn out. Might also give a sneak peak into my ever so exciting social life. Because NSH birthday cake is a marvel!

PS it will probably snow tomorrow.



Considering “insomnimum” as my new blogging name! I am beyond shattered. I am ‘couldn’t run a bath’ sleepy. I am aching in all of my muscles knackered. But I am awake.

NSH is asleep next to me (not a night shift tonight), Snoop Bobby Dogg is asleep at my feet and the giant baby human is fast a sleepy pleeps in his room. But I am awake.

I am awake because I don’t get Sunday night blues, I get Monday night blues. I am awake because my brain doesn’t shut up. I am awake because I cant stop my mind imagining scenarios of what might happen and who might do what and what I will say and what I should have said and what do I need to pack for the baby tomorrow and have I turned the oven off and I need to wash my car and probably get it serviced and will I have lost weight this week and we need to child proof the house, the bleach is under the sink and and …

… and it’s only 10pm why the bloody hell am I worrying about not being asleep.

This is not anxiety it is an over active internal monologue gland!

What is this sleep you speak of?

Good lord I have the biggest respect for single parents, especially those without a good support network. Last night was a right laugh! My giant baby human GBH, who normally sleeps from 7pm to 6pm like an angel, was feeling a bit poorly it would seem and woke up at 9,11,1,3,4 and then we got up at 5:45. He would only go back to sleep if he was in some way attached to me, arm, fingers, nose, didn’t matter but no mummy no sleepy pleeps! Because I am a night shift widow, I had to be the one up all night. Thank jebus I don’t work Fridays. I am very lucky that my Harold Bishop lookalikey Dad and my mum only live down the road. HBL Dad came to the rescue at 6:30 and took the happy smiling little sleep thief away so that I could have a couple of hours sleep. Still been like a zombie all day but have managed to somehow pull off the functioning human look to the general public.

Ate three slices of pizza

Cult of food optimising

Currently sitting in group while people weigh in. All shapes and sizes. It’s absolutely rammed. Loves it!

It occurred to me we are a bit of a cult. It’s okay, cults are okay it’s the sects you need to worry about, they’re the ones that would all vow to eat an arsenic infused hifi and end their weight gain FOREVER (Or so my sociology teacher told me)! I can spot a member of the cult quickly in a supermarket. The tell tell muller lights and mug shots. Choc shot and frylight. And loads of veg! At work I can tell by people’s lunches and choice of snacks. Babybels and the glorious 2 finger kit Kat. 

Then there is the language. Members of the cult take speed, but it’s not speed speed, it’s perfectly okay speed and the more of it the better. No speed equals bad times (SW speed not speed speed!). There really should be a slimming world dictionary. I remember a couple of years ago seeing a friend post her sw meal on social media and say she had used “hexa cheese”, I was so intrigued I asked her where I could buy this hexa cheese. Obviously she meant her healthy extra a box. I was gutted that there wasn’t some magical syn free cheese! I had done slimming world for years at this point, I can only imagine how confusing it must be for newbies!

Anyway I digress… back to tonight.

Brought mother along, she has done it once before but was much better at it than me even though I was, at the time, cooking most of her meals!!! Be interesting to see how Harold Bishop lookalike (HBL) Dad gets on as he is head chef of the household. He hates following recipes and thinks justalittle won’t hurt. Going to sit him down and go through the books. I shall challenge my inner Angela (consultant extraordinaire if you don’t know).

So first week back. Lost 4lb. Bloody lovely! Great group, great people with even greatererer tips! I learned a couple of new things. Firstly must buy some big bowl oats so simple, secondly my piddly little hands mean a “portion” of pasta for me is pathetic! I mean the bow pasta, I could probably hold 4!!!! Better buy some macaroni. Thirdly my “bread is evil” theory was backed up by other members who it seems are also bread addicts with no self control around baked dough! I cannot buy bread, I cannot buy bread, I CANNOT BUY BREAD!

NSH is back to work this evening so I will be early to bed and reading a book… for about 2 pages before I fall asleep. No doubt giant baby human will be up before 6 and I am going to the gym tomorrow morning to go for a walk and a down hill ride on the exercise bike followed by a lengthy and calorie busting shower!

Disjointed blog tonight, but written at different times and shoved together! My goal for this week is to show you what I am eating.

Much love 



From Saturday afternoon to Tuesday lunchtime Night shift husband is, in fact, not NSH he becomes instead RGH (regular golfing husband). On the odd occasion if he is in the bad books he is ARGH I like to add the “A” and imagine myself donning a pinny and shaking a rolling pin. Make your own minds up about what the “A” stands for!!

That’s it, holidays over, back to work. So of course I have a really sore throat and am losing my voice! I wouldn’t crack open the champers, what a waste of 5 syns to celebrate in my pain and misery. (I now really want some champagne, the stuff from lidl £17.99 a bottle I think, is my new favourite drink and luckily I can’t afford it so that’s that)

Since my last post, if you (mysterious and lovely readers) were to ask me have I been 100% on plan my answer would be this: “medium”. Meals have been good good good but I have been doing far to much synstimating, you know “thasssabout 2, oneuvthemsabout 5, a scoopadatsabout 12” you get the idea. So I have 3 days til weigh in and I have planned and cooked it all using a multitude of fabulous gadgets. Looove my soup maker!

Some of the food made, eaten and prepared to be eaten include:

  • Beef stew – zero syns
  • Veg soup – zero syns
  • Thai chicken noodle soup (4 syns per portion – coconut milk)
  • Chicken, spinach and potato curry – zero syns
  • Overnight oats (not using miller lights because sugar is pretty evil and I am trying to limit it) -zero syns

I also have some 2 finger kit kats because the sun value (5.5) is well and truly tattooed on my brain. I can save myself from crap all day at the promise of a kit Kat and a cup of tea once the giant baby human has gone to bed.

Giant baby human has been enjoying his free food so far too. Curry was a fave I think. He made a zzznnnnlllllllll sound as if putting on a fake lisp and I have taken that to mean

“by golly mother what a fabulous chef you are, now rub some sudacrem on my bottom and entertain me with songs of how the lady rides and I promise never to ask you what a bobbin is and why you do so insist on winding it back and forth”

He is teething. It is a joy.

Aaaaaaaaaand back to work. School is where the cakes and biscuits are, where I don’t get time to go to the staff room so have to make sure my lunch isn’t so bland and limp that only a custard cream will get me through the day. I have therefore purchased a thermos food pot for keeping me food thermosed (or is it thermoosed?)

Short post this eve. Work tomorrow. Weigh in Wednesday…

Cheers mind


To slim or not to …. to slim god damn it!!!!

Ha! Just logged on for the first time since june, which coincidently was a post about slimming world and being rubbish. I was still breast feeding and really didn’t have my head in the game at all. 2 month old giant baby human, made planning and prepping easily over shadowed by picking and pigging! But no more my (non existent) readers, no more!!

I now have a 9 month old giant baby human, with teeth and everything! Best news is, he eats, anything and is basically now eating what night shift husband and myself eat. This has helped me sort my head out in terms of shifting my post giant baby human gains for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I ain’t putting crap in the giant baby human, secondly I have no clothes to wear!

So off I went to my local slimming world group. Sorry not just any local slimming world group (I have attended a few) this group is different and special and I know if I go it works as I lost loads and got to target on the week of my wedding. The members at our group are always awesome and our consultant is off the scale amazing! 

There were so many new starters (first session of the new year) so we had a big intro to the plan all together. I pretty much know it off by heart, so why you may ask, am I of the lard? Well (invisible) readers it is because I am a human night shift widow, I don’t eat enough fruit and vegetables, I like too much wine and am partial to the occasional hobnob (or pack there of)! Going to weigh and staying for image therapy is the magic fairy dust part of the plan for me. 

Anyway blank slate.

I am avoiding as much sugar as possible this time round so no muller lights or plastic cheese. This week I have made cottage pie, salmon, spag bol, turkey burgers, chips and curry (giant baby human blended curry does not look good!). Over night oats and pre boiled eggs in the fridge. Good start I hope. 

Starting weight: 12 stone 5.5

Target weight: 10 stone

Enjoy (pretend readers) my pictures of fooooooooods.

Cheers lovelies!


PS NSH is still about, still night shifting about the place, just waiting for him to go to work so I can go to bed! 

Not so slimming world and not so nightshift widow

Okay so I should be approaching my fourth weigh in and should have easily have lost nearly half a stone. Instead I missed my first week weigh in and my third and won’t be able to go this week… will go Wednesday instead… MUST GO WEDNESDAY INATEAD! My head has so not been in the game. This being a new mum and breast feeding a 2 month old almost once an hour is a little exhausting and I am still opting for something easy and yummy when the opportunity presents itself!

However, this week I am introducing a bottle or two of formula a day to give myself a bit of a break. Also it’s hot and I have nothing to wear so I really need to sort myself out.

Night shift husband (NSH) is working days for the next 2 weeks so that is going to throw me off but also will mean eating at normal times and not having to creep around or leave the house in the mornings. Plus he is there to “help” at night. I know he would help if he could but there really is no point in two of us waking up to watch me breastfeed the baby!!! However if one of the little ones bi-weekly bowl movements should occur when NSH is present, then he is more than welcome to help deal with the explosion!!!

So as I know too well, planning is absolute key. Off to Aldi first thing to buy lots of fresh fruit to make a massive fruit salad, bits to make a huge Greek salad and lots of other healthy goodness. 

Might also buy a paddling pool… for the baby of course, for the baby!