Last day of work before maternity leave for me tomorrow. I think I should be excited but I am feeling really anxious.
I am more than happy to be off work and be a mum. I don’t feel worried about the birth or the feeding or the lack of sleep or any of the mum parts. The anxiety comes from staring into the unknown tunnel with no clear light at the end. This sounds morbid, I don’t mean it to.
I am finishing work but I do not have a job to go back to and it has suddenly hit me.
Just casually running a bath at 3:20am!
This third trimester has not been kind on the old sleep. My back and hips cannot cope with being led or sat down for any period of time. The only relief is water. So early am baths it is. Hope the NSH hasn’t woken up.
What to do? Will be 36 weeks pregnant when it’s my 30th. Extremely bad planning on my part.
Have gone through a couple of ideas:
- Some sort of crafty endeavour at The Makery in Bath followed by lunch out.
- Book local pub and invite other people to drink on my behalf.
- Book local lush little cafe for a brunch/afternoon foody type thing.
- Sit on sofa and allow others to bring me presents
- Stay in jim jams and eat pizza whilst watching shawshank resemption
I really don’t know and I am so indecisive I know I will keep changing my mind which does not make booking something easy!
My evening routine has recently become a little ritualistic.
NIghtshift Husband goes to work
Snoop Bobby Dogg and I go for a walk.
Have a bubbly bath (just me, not Snoop Bobby Dogg!).
Occasionally remember to moisturise in the vain hope it will stop me getting stretch marks.
Watch Old episodes of Jonathon Creek in bed whilst drinking decaf tea and eating Lidl’s version of chocolate hobnobs.
If you have read previous posts you will see that they made me redundant, the massive meanies! In a desperate attempt to be employed and not live off of toast alone, I have taken a part time job as a teaching assistant up until nightshift baby decides to make his appearance.
The plus sides are: it is in a school that I have previously worked in, that I loved working in and where I have some friends. It is 10 minutes up the road. It is close to all my midwife appointments. And it is relatively stress and responsibility free.
The down sides are: I have had to take a pay cut meaning I take home a third of what I was previously. So still toast for tea on some nights but not every night! No trips to Waitrose allowed.
Difficult to go back into education with my tail between my legs after moaning about it so much and being openly a bit smug about leaving. However needs must and I have no shame so will happily hold my hands up and say “I don’t hate you education, I just hate the people who control you”
Here we are January 1st. December 31st was spent watching Harry Potter with Snoop Bobby Dog and NSH. Gurt lush!
An appalling end to last year involved redundancy and sadness for very close friends. I intend on doing my best to be a positive nightshift widow this year.
Other resolutions include:
I will steam the floors and bleach the sink once a week.
I will drink more water.
I will swim more.
I will evacuate tiny human from womb in some shape or form!
I will endeavour to be a good mum.
I will use my behavioural powers for good and not evil!
Merry new year!
A woman is 20 weeks pregnant. She is made redundant. She has not worked for the company long enough to get any redundancy pay. It is 3 weeks until Christmas.
That woman is me.