Thank goodness for sarcasm and friends who bring wine 

It’s been a bit of a shit month. More than normal I could have done with blogging, but it has felt near impossible. I will do my best not to depress you (my few and far between readers) but I am in a ranty old mood.

I need a mother flipping job! I am now on the 10 week countdown to unemployment. “Teacher shortage” the media is telling you. What they are not telling you is that horrifically shrinking school budgets mean schools cannot afford experienced teachers, which means it’s more than likely on many an occasion my application form gets tossed to one side. Found an amazing old guardian article about the X factor pantomime that is applying and interviewing for teaching posts. Will tweet it for anyone interested, but basically it takes hours and hours and costs money and inevitably the job goes to an internal candidate, an NQT or  a man. 

It is an all consuming full time job searching for and applying, whilst working and being mum to ever more mobile and destructive giant baby human (who I think is slowly averaging out in size and is also not so much of a baby any more), and being fantastical wife person who cooks tea and allows night shift husband to also be pretend professional golfer. 

This month 

I had to interview for a job at my current school – didn’t get it.

Didn’t get an interview at a school I love.

Interviewed for a job I would be perfect for and bloody smashed the lesson and interview – didn’t get it

Each time I sob. Each time I drag my ass off the floor and apply for the next one using their ridiculous application forms. Each time my wonderful friends and family ply me with wine and hugs. Each time my little boy gives me a kiss (bites my face with his growing dental collection). Each time however I lose a little more hope.

Scroll back through my posts and you will find blogs from my last school and when I named myself “the disillusioned teacher” where I reached the point of leaving teaching. A gamble that left me with redundancy at 22 weeks pregnant and ultimately where I am now, an expensive experienced teacher of child baring age… totally employable up against 22 year old cheap and enthusiastic NQTs who hobby (they always have hobbies, not just drink wine with their friends, they play hockey or jog or other strange endeavours). 

But I am a bloody good teacher with some awesome expertise!

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Let the festive season begin… PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

Haven’t written for a while but thought I should see the month out with a few sentences of shoved together nonsense to see out the fastest February after the most drawn out January on record. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

Christmas is far behind us and thank little baby Jebus himself, I have lost nearly a stone since then, have started to like working and not resent it as I have to leave the giant baby human behind, and have had a reasonably drama free couple of months. But oh no no no, I must not rest on my laurels (whatever the chickens that means) because here comes the most festive time of the year…. birthday season. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

It all kicked off last week with Dr sister-in-law and then it will just snowball from there. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

Coming events:

  • NSH birthday (tomorrow! Must wrap thoughtful presents purchased from Tesco at the weekend)
  • Littlest flower friend’s 30th birthday 
  • Mother’s Day (must remind NSH and brothers)
  • River man brother’s birthday
  • My birthday
  • HBL’s birthday
  • Bestest gin friend’s wedding
  • And to round it all off on 10th April my giant baby human will be a whole year and no longer a fraction of one.

There is basically an event at least once a week and all of these events involve food and/or drink and/or money. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

So I need to be extra extra extra good the rest of the days. I have a serious need for speed (SW jargon for any pals concerned that I have a new recreational hobby). Also need to be tight on the old purse strings (mine has a zip, can one be tight on a purse zip? I have another with a popper, could that work? Tight on the old purse popper sounds like a euphemism for something, don’t know what though). I need to find ways to eat well on the cheap. Cheap cheapy cheap, couple of coppers cheap. PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

I will let you know what bargain recipes I find and how they turn out. Might also give a sneak peak into my ever so exciting social life. Because NSH birthday cake is a marvel!

PS it will probably snow tomorrow.

That age old dilemma

How I live my life on slimming world:

Kitkat or wine? Wine or kitkat?

I can get through a day without eating biscuits or cake or crisps or sandwiches or… *takes a moment to wipe drool from larger than average chin* I can do this if I know at the end of the day I can have a 2 finger kitkat (5.5 syns) with a cup of tea or a glass of wine (red 175ml – 8 syns or white 250ml – 10 syns) and my HE Cheese. 

Now, I could have both, it is allowed, no one will shout at me, no slimmer shade will be thrown my way. But I have changed my approach to food optimising. In all my years of being on plan (first went to a slimming world group in 2009, green and red days were just on their way out and extra easy was bright shiny and new) and all my years of not being on plan, I have tried to cook completely syn free and the snack it up big style with the syns. This I think is sometimes my downfall because my willpower is low to non existant. I have no time in my life, for example, for people who can eat just one rich tea biscuit, those people are not human, they have no soul, it’s a fact! So this time round I am using my syn allowance differently and by differently I mean lunch.

Lunches for me are difficult. I make soup in advance. I do not eat said soup, because push come to shove, I would rather eat summink else! I like salads but am rubbish at prepping the night before a work day and 3 day old salad does not appeal to the foody in me. I don’t like using my healthy extras for lunch because I like my overnight and baked oats too much, and as previously stated, cheese is reserved for wine (not appropriate for a teacher’s lunchbox). If I have any I will have left overs in my little thermos flask of dreams. But if not I will spend some syns on some Mexican microwave rice (3 syns) or Jamie Oliver curried chickpeas (3 syns). They are easy, quick and I can grab them on my way out the door and I can eat a load of speed fruit alongside them. Easy peasy!

I am also trying to cook meals that I love and trying new meals (currently loving Jamie Oliver’s 5 ingredients) and syning them. I cook using good ingredients, that’s the main thing that always sticks from slimming world. After my first ever visit I never have bought a jar of sauce. And since going sugar free for a study a few years back I am very conscious of the crap added to low fat food. So I will happily spend a syn or two on good syn options; coconut milk, good curry paste, avocado, real butter, nuts etc. 

That leaves me with less than 15 syns come the evening, thus the kitkat or wine dilemma. 

Ain’t a bad dilemma to have!

PS food pics (dirty fried rice and overnight oats)

What is this sleep you speak of?

Good lord I have the biggest respect for single parents, especially those without a good support network. Last night was a right laugh! My giant baby human GBH, who normally sleeps from 7pm to 6pm like an angel, was feeling a bit poorly it would seem and woke up at 9,11,1,3,4 and then we got up at 5:45. He would only go back to sleep if he was in some way attached to me, arm, fingers, nose, didn’t matter but no mummy no sleepy pleeps! Because I am a night shift widow, I had to be the one up all night. Thank jebus I don’t work Fridays. I am very lucky that my Harold Bishop lookalikey Dad and my mum only live down the road. HBL Dad came to the rescue at 6:30 and took the happy smiling little sleep thief away so that I could have a couple of hours sleep. Still been like a zombie all day but have managed to somehow pull off the functioning human look to the general public.

Ate three slices of pizza

Baby is out, body is ruined!

In all honesty, I was quite amazed with how the human body bounces back after a baby and I am so so lucky to have zero stretch marks. In the first few weeks my belly shrunk and I was still eating rubbish. Great stuff! Now we are on 7 weeks since the amazing night shift baby arrived and I am beginning to put weight back on. Night shift husband is also piling on the pounds, so something must be done.

I am, once more, climbing aboard the slimming world train for the gazillionth time. 

Joined last week, have not really stated though because we had a little holiday, so it all begins tomorrow. 

I am going to use instagram to both share my ranty blog and post food and snack pics as that really helped me last time. I plan on blogging about the usual nonsense of being a night shift widow but will include my weight…

Nobody cares!!! I know but it will help and motivate me.

PS my boobs are massive and carrying the majority of my weight

Current weight: 12 stone 5

Target weight: 10 stone

Maternity leave panic

Last day of work before maternity leave for me tomorrow. I think I should be excited but I am feeling really anxious.

I am more than happy to be off work and be a mum. I don’t feel worried about the birth or the feeding or the lack of sleep or any of the mum parts. The anxiety comes from staring into the unknown tunnel with no clear light at the end. This sounds morbid, I don’t mean it to. 

I am finishing work but I do not have a job to go back to and it has suddenly hit me.